Dating in the Dark

It’s really good to be at home for a few days. I have to tell you that it was wonderful seeing you last night after such a long time. Our time together is always brief, but always enjoyable. I have to tell you that you really are one of my best friends and I’m glad that the president’s cup challenge years ago led to such an amazing friendship.

Speaking of best friends, my best girlfriend, Spindle, also joined us for dinner on Wednesday night. I am really glad that you were able to hit it off with her as well. She has a not so new boyfriend named Sparky. Spindle tends to be uncertain with many things in her life and she has always been a woman that rides the wind. This is the first time in her life that I’ve seen her in such a serious relationship. Spindle and Sparky have moved in together. Spindle is also working full time now, so I’m really happy for her.

So this week was the big meeting where I got to meet her boyfriend Sparky. I completely understand how this was a big deal for her. In fact, I have a story of my own of my friends meeting the Dog Whisperer for the first time, but I’ll get to that later. Honestly, I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with the guy. I spoke with him at dinner for a few minutes and that was basically the extent of our conversation. I thought he was fine and that everything went well. I mean, how much can you really like a person or tell what they are about after an hour or two at dinner. My first impression was that he was polite, a little on the nervous side, but overall a human with good intentions.

Well as it turns out, his perception of me was quite different. The next day, Spindle IMed me and asked me what was wrong with me over dinner. She said that I wasn’t quite myself and that I seemed hostile. I disagreed with her statement - in fact, I had a wonderful time over dinner and felt completely at home with the group (the entire bottle of wine you and I consumed prior to dinner helped). She insisted that my behavior was bizarre and that I was quite abrasive over dinner as Sparky had a hard time communicating with me. Oh no – how do you react to that? A man you have never met before in your life is influencing your best friend into thinking that somehow I have turned into an unfriendly bitch. How does a significant other blind someone you have known your entire life in a matter of a few months? I’m not really concerned, I’m sure everything will work out eventually, but the question is still interesting.

Are we really all blind when we are dating? What senses play the biggest factor in the experience? I have been concentrating a heck of a lot of sight, but there is of course the power of pheromones, attraction to the mind and just general energy levels that all play a part in the complex phenomenon of dating.

I recently saw a show called “Dating in the Dark” that exemplifies part of this question wonderfully. When I saw the show for the first time, I immediately thought of myself and the dog whisperer. Would I have gone for his sexy European accent, his charming personality and his overall intelligence – it’s safe to assume the answer would have been yes to all of these questions. What happens after a few dates in the pitch dark is that the person is revealed to you in the light for a few minutes before you go back and contemplate if all the other factors matter over sight. I have been documenting the results…I have found that in 2/3 of cases, the person deemed as being more attractive will give it a shot, but of course we don’t know what happens after this point. Does it last a week, a date or a year? Did they agree to go out on another date so they didn’t look like complete shallow assholes on tv?

I brought up this show with the Dog Whisperer the other night to see his reaction. It actually surprised me quite a bit. He told me that he would not ask a woman out he did not find attractive. He said that women he dates have to be the entire package and that physical appearance is integral to having a healthy relationship. My mind was on a complete rollercoaster ride during the conversation as I was trying to rationalize not going off the deep end with him and revealing my doubts on the subject.

I did come to one realization though throughout this conversation….yes physical appearances matter, but what matters more to me is the mental challenge that dating evokes – he was driving me insane with this comments. As humans, we always want what we can’t have. So here is where I think the Dog Whisperer is brilliant, the more I start to like him, the more he backs away, so I think I want him more. I’m struggling with this concept, and I’m not sure if the relationship is real at this point, but I’ll tell you this much, this is the first time in a dating scenario that I’ve been mentally engaged since my divorce. I find that this exact strategy works in reverse as well. The less I call, the harder he will work to see me and get my attention. I think I may have a rebuttal to “He’s Just Not That Into You”.

I know that your experiences in this domain have been similar. Pickles and how many other women have been falling over themselves in love trying to be with you and touch your hair? OMG, this strategy is gold if you know what you want. Now figuring that out is the real problem!