Moving Forward

Dear Chutney,

Great to see you a couple times last week. As you now know Swirl (or Husky) and I broke up. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. We went to Florida with her daughter and stayed with a couple of her friends. Nice place, about a hours drive to Disney World which we never went to. We went to Universal Studios - fantastic, to the beach at New Smyrna - wonderful, and Typhoon Lagoon - not bad. I think I liked the day at the beach the best. I love the ocean. One day , I hope to live on or near the ocean.

The first night in Florida Swirl stayed out till 5:00 am talking (and drinking) with the son of the couple and his girlfriend. I thought we were going to Florida together but apparently not. I should have brought up my issues earlier but I never found Swirl that easy to talk with about relationship issues. Pickles was much better.

The next day I made a joke (I'll admit in bad taste) and she didn't like it. She voiced her discontent.  I felt criticized and I just shut down. She and the others went out that night and I stayed back at the condo and watched TV. That night Shirl slept with her daughter. Her excuse was that she didn't want to wake me up. Like that has ever been a issue -sheesh.

We manage to wear smiles for the rest of the trip but when I got home I was just done. I had put so much work into the relationship and bonding with her daughter that I had no more energy. I just gave up. For all my effort, I thought she would be a bit more appreciative. I have trouble with appreciation, I never feel like I get enough. I suppose that is life. Maybe someday I'll get used to it.

I was also very stressed out about Rhino coming to live with me. He was with Spandex for about 6 weeks but she sold her house and moved out of town. Can you believe that? She used to be a half decent mother but for the last 5 years or so she has be the worst. There is no way that Rhino can get out there on his own so now he is with me - forever. He did try to stay at her new place for a weekend but lasted only one night. He said he couldn't sleep. I don't blame him actually. Of course, I'm happy that Rhino is living with me but before he moved back I imposed the condition that he had to let me manage his money. He was really pissed off when I left for Florida so as you might expect I was stressed out. When I left his choice was to stay with me and let me help him manage his money or he could stay at the Drop-In Centre. Luckily, he chose to stay with me and let me help him manage his money. Now he actually wants me to help him. I'm thrilled.

But the stress of it all didn't help my relationship with Swirl. I need someone who can help me through the stresses of life. Spandex wasn't the one. Swirl wasn't either.

My conclusion, after thinking about this for a couple weeks is that I felt trapped in the relationship. Bottom line: Swirl was great. The sex was the best ever. She could cook. She wasn't very demanding. Except psychologically she was. Just little things that she would say or do - or not do. Like not going out for dinner when you were in town. That is just strange. I love sharing my friendships. To not share friendships is just weird.

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I wrote that a few weeks ago and never finished. I was feeling rather bummed out but now I'm good.

I don't think I told you this but I was quite interested in Cidnee - the woman sitting beside you at dinner with the kid. I'm over her now. Well truth be told she asked me to the opera and a few other events which I interpreted as asking me on a date but that wasn't her intention at all. She just wants to be friends. I fine with that. I like having friends. I've known her for a few years and never asked her out. I'm not sure why - I just didn't. I think I was pretty sure it would never work out. We are too close professionally. Anyway, it was good to finally get the possibility resolved.

I have a new interest. Her nickname is Genoa. We connected online. I haven't actually met her but we are hoping to get together next weekend for a coffee or a drink or a walk or something. I spoke to her on the phone tonight for the first time. She laughs. I like that. I could do with some laughter in my life. She has 3 kids; oldest is 17 - a girl. There is a father so she gets the odd weekend off. That will be a nice change for me. The last couple of gals had non existent fathers so they were on call 100% of the time.

I'll keep you posted.

Cocktales