The Bitch is Loose

Welcome to my bitching session. My apologies in advance – I need to get the hostility out of my system, then I’ll jump into the juicy stuff.

Wow, I’ve been MIA since April. So I have to explain what has been going on. It’s nothing too crazy; in fact it’s entirely explicable. I feel like my life is out of balance at the moment. I feel like I’m a cleaner with no time to look after myself. It’s been a rollercoaster at work; I’m the workhorse of the office so to speak. They see a mess, throw me at it and assume that everything will be just fine. Unfortunately, I think this strategy has taken its toll on my mental sanity.

Without saying too much, let me describe my team for you and the mess I’m supposed to deal with at the moment. We get a new client through the door and they of course just throw people at the team and assume everything is going to be fine. A few months later they realize the client is about to fire us due to our incompetence. Big surprise! Why is the client trying to fire us….well because we hired a bunch of inbred lunatics in the south….that’s why. I have 2 very senior people on my team. One actually has bleeding ulcers from stress and she was admitted into the hospital today, another is a raving lunatic. She spends her time hoarding work, but not actually getting anything done, portraying herself as a martyr to the client and staying up all night to do lord knows what. What I can say is that she comes to work unwashed and with her clothes inside out. She is a classy gal. My other three team members include a weather girl (not kidding), a 22 year old intern, and a man that looks like he was hit by a bus. These are the face of my company.

I’m waiting for them to do anything coherent or constructive. As a result my 30 member production team is frustrated and my PM staff is about to quit. This is why I can’t sleep at night, this is the reason, I’ve turned into a psychopathic lady with a dual personality. To top it all off, apparently Mr. Vancouver now works for me. Awkward! Actually I’m very over that little tryst, and frankly I don’t have the time or motivation to even think about any of that stuff right now. But ya, he is apparently moving to Chicago, and he is working directly for me on my team. Imagine my surprise when this happened. He arrives in Chicago in about a week…my plan is to not rip his head off during the course of regular business.

What is the irony of this situation….well the only thing that is keeping me sane and also causing me more stress is basically the dog whisperer. Turns out he can drive me crazy and set me over the edge in a heartbeat, but he can also make me feel like I’m sane in an entirely insane situation. I think I would have been deported and shipped back to my homeland if it was not for him and his awful jokes.

So what have we been up to…well I told you last time that we were on the brink of disaster. That was certainly the case. The funny thing is, the more shit I cause, the more I feel like our relationship is solid. This is probably sick and twisted, so please call me out if I need to reevaluate. Let’s see, we have had our fair share of screaming matches, but somehow we always end up back in bed and everything is ok after that. I just need a hug damn it, and he seems to get that when it really matters. I don’t know where this is going, but certainly, we are spending more time together and I do really enjoy those moments.

The summer has blown by and I feel like I haven’t really had my fair share of the action. I did have a chance to visit NYC and a few other places. I’ve been on the road a lot trying to rally the crazies. It’s like chasing rabbits.

Speaking of rabbits, I met this man named Aristotle the other day. No, I’m not kidding. He is one of the Dog Whisperer’s friends. This man is one of the most unique individuals I have ever met. He sort of smells like a damp sponge, his mother clearly still dresses him at the ripe old age of 45 and he still lives with her. When he is not in his backyard watching rabbits (not kidding – this is a self professed hobby he described to me in great detail over a martini), he is in Japan holding his penis as a pistol because apparently this is the only place he can get laid. What a life. Enginerd at home, asset yielding rock star in Asia. Stories like this give me hope.

It’s time to blow this pop stand and get out on vacation. I’ve chosen Bali this year. Perhaps some of that serenity everyone keeps talking about in that Eat prey love crap will rub off on me.

Ok, so that is way enough hostility for one night. That was a lot of random thoughts. I’m hoping to hear your stories and crack a smile. I miss you!